Do you have a story from when *your* child was about two months old? And preferably not a story about how your child slept through the night and you were putting gourmet meals on the table every night. Nope. I don't think those are the kinds of stories that I would like to hear right now.
Look at that sweet angel up there. We have some really great moments. We do.
He is precious and a really good baby. He's starting to smile and coo. He loves us. We love him.
One of the most valuable things I got out of our childbirth class was that *everyone* gets to a point where they think to themselves "I can't do this." I got to that point too and then found out I was at seven centimeters and I knew I *could* do it, I was in the home stretch.
What no one told me though was that the "I can't do this." feeling was going to keep recurring long after we'd left the hospital. Everyone says "it gets better." and I do recognize that I am no longer in pain, getting up every three hours through the night to nurse when I have no idea how to nurse in the first place, feeling too weak to even think of leaving the house, etc. It *has* gotten better. I guess I just didn't think that it would take so long to feel like I could "keep it together" for more than a few days in a row. I guess that there are times that I don't really believe that people are telling me the truth when they say that it gets better. I find myself battling not to play the comparison game wondering if so and so felt this way, struggled like this, etc.
I admit this isn't a happy, cheerful post.
I'm tired of trying to figure out if I should read Baby Wise or Healthy Sleep Habits, should I try to follow some sort of pattern/schedule or just let the baby dictate? What in the world does he want anyway if I'm letting him call the shots? I've admittedly tried to read his little mind and keep realizing I have no clue. I'm tired of fighting the "failure" lie. One of our doctors said to read to him every day of his life. We haven't.
Just so you know, I'm not down all the time. Yesterday I was able to laugh when I had a lap full of poop. There are just ups and downs just like there were before he came along to be honest, but I just felt like writing about it tonight.
My baby is cooing right now and chewing on my shoulder.
I hope you have a good night.